Get off my train

I'm skipping you in the rotation.

Sometimes I eat sugar free candy just because the sugar alcohol content yields such tremendous gas. If you eat enough pieces, the pressure that builds up can be quite intense. I could put an entire brass section to shame.

Yesterday, I was driving south on U.S. 23 toward Ann Arbor in a 70 MPH zone. I had the cruise control set to 78 MPH because in Michigan that's like driving below the speed limit. I was in the left lane after just passing someone when I noticed in my rear view mirror a white crossover SUV weaving between the two lanes at a speed greater than 78. I knew he'd be directly behind me quickly, but there was a truck in the right lane about 8 car lengths ahead of me, so I decided to stay in the left lane until I passed the truck.

As suspected, the white SUV crept up behind me and got right on my ass. By now, I'm so close to passing the truck it would make no sense at all to move into the right lane to let this guy pass me. So I didn't. Then he flashed his brights at me.

Naturally, I immediately slowed down.

Even though I had decreased my speed to about 72, I was still driving faster than the truck. So I continued to pass it, just at a slower rate of speed. The guy behind me flashed his brights at me again - this time while I'm directly next to the truck. I'm not exactly sure where he expected me to go at this point, so I just stared at him in my rear view mirror and slowed down to 69.

Again he flashed his brights. 67.

I finally got past the truck. The SUV has flashed his brights 6 times by now. I didn't want to allow him to swerve into the right lane to pass me so I began to gently make my way over. He started to speed up when he sensed my lane change, but my shift was so subtle that it took me nearly 8 full seconds to complete the lane change. He damn near passed me on the left shoulder.

As he went by, I caught a glimpse of him. He looked to be about 85 years old and in the passenger seat was a woman of nearly the same age that I'm guessing is his wife. She wasn't comatose nor did she look to be in any pain, so I'm assuming he was in no hurry to get her to a hospital. I was in utter disbelief that this old dude was so aggressive on the highway.

I didn't try to keep up with him. I reset the cruise control to 78 and watched him keep getting caught behind traffic. As it turned out, he pulled off the highway at the same exit I was using, so now I was a little more motivated to catch up to him. About a mile off the exit, we came to a stoplight and he got caught in the left-turn only line as I sailed past him in the straight lane.

As I drove by him, I opened my window, stared directly at that old wrinkled piece of shit next to his white-haired wife and yelled, "HAAA-HAAA!" like a 6 year old child. And then I laughed to myself as I continued driving into the city, wondering if I actually really just did that. It was just so very satisfying to know that despite his angling, swerving, and being an old prick, I was going to reach my destination in Ann Arbor before he did.

HAAA HAAA!

Toodles.